Of all places our marriages are truly the testing and training grounds for relationships. And confrontation and conflict are part of all relationships. The challenge is how will we handle them and do so in a way that includes and glorifies God. I will share a method I use and haven’t seen it fail once in all the years I’ve employed it. That’s because Abba is right at the heart of it—not my own fallible and sometimes misguided emotions and perspective.

I call this method TCWT. You can also find a video of me explaining it at http://mismatchedandthriving.com/resources/.

TCWT stands for truth, conviction, words and timing. Here’s how each step works.

Truth: Pray first for truth to be revealed, not just for your loved one or friend but also for you. Sometimes we take offense or hurt in places that actually have more to do with an already raw place in our hearts that really has nothing to do with the other person. Ask God if this is something you need to confront the person about if in doubt. We also need God’s perspective in the matter. Without it, we run the risk of misinterpreting the issue or situation. We need godly wisdom and insight to see the issue completely.

Conviction: This can be a difficult one because it requires you to be willing to take responsibility for your part. I pray for conviction not only for the person I’m dealing with but also for myself. This is part of the removing the log from your own eye before you point out the speck that’s in the other person’s eye (Luke 6:41). Pray for God to work in your heart as well—is there any unforgiveness or resentment that must be dealt with? This is also the place I find God preparing my heart to forgive the other person if needed.

Words: Begin praying for the Holy Spirit to teach and give you the right words (Luke 12:12). Also pray for God to prepare the other person's mind and heart to receive your words in truth and love (Ephesians 4:15). And pray for your own heart to be open and willing to listen. As you pray the Holy Spirit may lead you to bind any presence the enemy is using to create strife in the relationship. Bind them in Jesus' name and send them to hell. You have the power and authority in Jesus to do this (Luke 9:1-2).

Timing: Finally, pray for the right timing to confront this person. Remember that your goal is to lovingly confront this person with the goal of helping the relationship—not to accuse and blame. If you are still feeling this way, go back to step one and work through each step until your desire to repair the relationship is stronger than your desire to be proven right. God is your justifier and I’ve discovered when I leave that part to Him, He handles it much better than I ever could. These places in our marriage and relationships can be some of the most profound places to exhibit the love of Jesus working in and through us.

When we seek to shift our minds and hearts from only seeing the negative aspects and ask Abba to help us see the opportunities, we are stepping out in greater trust because we know our God is bigger and great than anything we are confronted with. And we can trust Him with the results.

Stepping out in faith with you! Dineen